Calcutta-Way... the last 2 days or 2 decades

Calcutta… Kolkata… or Home!!! The first time I’ve been in the City in the last almost 2 years… with both time on my hands and friends!!!

The Obvious Question… How much has changed? The Not-So Obvious Answer… Nothing!!!

If I had the same set of people around in the same Presidency Canteen, Today, I know the discussion would still very much be the same… may not be the topic, which may have shifted from Mr. Marx to Mr. Obama, but surely nothing else…

There was a time… when in between rounds and teas, time itself came to a halt… morning passed into afternoon and then into night and then into morning… life was warped around a culture… an attitude… not merely subjects, booze or people!!! Not a boozer back then but you get the point… surely…

Kolkata, or College Street was like a colourful postcard pasted in a fabric of time… Even today, when great-insecurities such as beer-belly, falling hair and monotony govern our daily living… the faces round that canteen are still the same… not the same people but the same look, the same atmosphere… even now women-smokers far outnumbering the men, the one-bearded history/pol-science/philosophy student, the one Eco-Cool dude, the one Physics- I Know it all- just huddled into the morphed existence around the cultural melee…

If I had to ask the Canteen guy who’s been around for over 30 years, what’s changed… probably the only thing other than his hair, and kids would be the dressing of the people around his canteen… which I would say has undergone a distinct improvement, but then again that’s just me!!!

When people criticize “My City” and say that nothing moves, nothing changes, no one cares in the more ‘Real’ monetary aspirations, career-istic instinct, I have often wondered… is the guy critical or jealous…?

In a purely hypothetical scenario, if every guy like me could come back into the City once every 5-10 years, and just see that ‘His Canteen’, ‘His Wall Painting’, ‘His Ideology’ and ‘His Life’ were still ‘His’ wouldn’t that be the most secure moment in an otherwise ‘complicated’ life – whether great or not-so-good??? Maybe the people have changed, but not the faces, not the lives not the ‘Being – composed of heritage-culture-values’…

Call me just a ‘Stupid-Bong’ with ‘Nostalgic-Sentiments’ in his breath and no ambition to be forward-looking, even for the state… but I sincerely believe (although I really don’t have the statistics to prove it), that more number of us, that believed in freedom from petty-classroom-driven-academics, believed in a sense of one-ness, believed in gossip and fun, and have spent most of our college-lives practicing such beliefs, have done far better, in every societal-driven definition of success than many of our counterparts!!!

I guess the critical bit was ‘Freedom’!!! Freedom from conformity… freedom to do what one wanted… freedom to choose!!! If I compare such a culture with most of our so-called ‘Educators’, they would be misfits!!! If I compare such a culture to most of our ‘successful’ academics, businessmen and literary… they match!!! Thus the more-than-obvious inference, “Most of our ‘Educators’ are simply not ‘Successful’ in their own definitions of the term”!!!

I was lucky to have been part of a culture, an attitude than was largely non-conformist… and when I go down to the same canteen, year-after year- after year (ok, stop!!! It hasn’t been so long… yet!!!) I still hope to see the same… the same look on their faces… the same attitude and above all the same bonding force… the Culture… The ‘Calcutta-Way’!!!

most beautiful diwali... alone

It all started with a simple facebook status update at 8 in the morning… a song… a face………………,,,,,. Both haunting, both mysterious, both lasting………

The eyes asking…, inviting…. urging to look beyond… look behind them into the depths of space!!! The face smiling ever so slightly, as if a warning… the eyes warm and welcoming… the face a link to this life… the eyes another!!!

Sitting at my table, as always, turned on by music… the urge to express… the bluntness of language against the continuity of music… the impossibility of words to be able to express what transcends the soul…

The lights outside… the festivity… the noise… the expression of joy… the feeling of warmth… the collective insatiable urge of all to be loved!!!

Loneliness……….. the bliss… the feeling… the knowledge of love… the need to be accepted, approved and loved… in moments such as these, the real beauty of life flashes through the soul…….

The want to be Alive….. the peaks of darkness in the otherwise plateau of routine,,,
The sighs getting longer,,, minutes at a time,,, the throbbing pain against the chest,,, the happiness from the realization… to be alive,… to be human,,, to be loved!!!

The most beautiful diwali… the darkness of the room, mind and soul set alight by the colours outside the window,,, the recognition of human bond,,, the satisfaction to know what only man can,,, to feel what only man can,,, to understand what only man can… the colours in my mind in an otherwise white background…

Nothing like an evening of solitude,,, encompassed by celebration of joy, music… to make us alive……..all over again!!!

The Great Andheri Adventure

It was the first time ‘Stupid-Dip’ (or I) was travelling to meet ‘S’ (No points for guessing), All the way to Andheri in the frickin rains of Mumbai…

Btw I had written this a coupla months back without knowing that on writing this piece, the Rain-God would shower me with 10-equivalent Monsoons… Its all dried up now, and I have finally mustered the courage to publish this post…
But before I begin, a Sermon (All Rise) …

O ‘Rain-God’, Our lakes are full, water flows from the tap all round the day, Please Spare us!!!

Prologue

Once upon a time Stupid-Dip partook in an adventure… from Cuffe Parade to Andheri (East) to meet S… Moral of the Story… Dip is Stupid and Mumbaikars are Evil Robots on Energizer batteries!!!

Chapter 1: Leaving the Work Place

No Boss in Office… Stupid-Dip (or I) leaves @ 5:30…Sharp!!! Only hope of getting to Station… 1 Khatara 20-seater Office Bus, having an engine of a TVS, Color of Fresh Crap, the bus-seats smelling almost as bad, 50 sarkari maid-servants (‘naukar’) not very much unlike myself with their ‘pregnant-bellies’ and Me… All waiting to reach Churchgate just to BEGIN THE journey…

At this point I realize that my beloved ‘Happy’ Chaata has been stolen by the evil ROBOT Taxi Wala… and it’s raining like GOD has a bladder problem…

Not to be disappointed or deterred with some of God’s pee-blessing on his head the protagonist Stupid-Dip decides to replace the beloved memory of his ‘Happy’ with something called a ‘Sardar-Branded’ Chaata… wonder why Helicopters’ need chaatas??? A word about my ‘Sardar’… It closes only when it is open!!! In case you are wondering what eccentric mathematical puzzle this is… don’t bother, basically the chaata only latches when its spokes are pointing outwards like Krishna’s Chakra… So it’s either a shorter Chakra or a Hawaldar’s Dandi…but always a WMD!!!

Chapter 2: Churchgate is no ‘Gate-way’ to Heaven

After having somehow exited the ‘Sarkari-Band-wagon’, I began my descent into the Netherlands… a very wet Churchgate Hell of a subway… Somehow I managed to keep my focus on the only ‘Soles’ in front and somehow took a ‘Swim-of-Faith’ over the watery grave and landed onto the other side…

Having crossed I was posed with 2 options… which read… Virar-Fast or Andheri-Slow…

Let me start by explaining the 2 choices as it would appear to a ‘Normal’ person… Virar is a station located only a few light-years from Churchgate, and Andheri is only a few million miles… Fast trains only stop at those stations which have the capacity to hold 1 billion evil mumbaikars, and slow stops at them all… the fast travels at the speed of light and the slow at the speed of Bareilly’s Cow driven Station Wagons… net effect, if I took Virar (F) I could reach Andheri in 25 mins (IF I Survived) and if I take the Bareilly express I would reach in over an hour…

Now let’s talk about REALITY… The train Virar (F) is actually called “Virar or Death” while the Andheri(S) is called “If you value your life and don’t stay in Virar… take this” … Apparently it is fabled that even if there is no one but you in the Virar (F) some hidden force holds you back at any other stop… However, God-forbid if there are people a consensus is quickly reached where in you are told that if you exit at any stop but Virar, they will kill you… One 80-kilo colleague (this is before he became a sarkari naukar…now he is 120) had to jump on the other side on the rail tracks to escape the Virar Panchayat just because he let the words slip “I will get off at Andheri”… Sure he was ‘DROPPED OFF’!!!

Thus I took the ‘Life’ option and got onto the ‘Andheri & Still Alive’ option…

Chapter 3: The Andheri Transporter

Not too much happened here… other than the guy sitting next to me playing Solitaire on a cell phone… which I swear Blackberry Top-brass could not tell apart but was Called Ass-ys… So while he played with his ‘Ass’ I continued my Mental Preparation of the Unknown - to finally alight at the Destination… Andheri… True to its name it symbolizes ‘The Dark’ (Not just cuz all the Tam-expats stay here) but because like ‘Mordor’ it is indeed a land of Darkness…

Chapter 4: The Endless Walk

To give you a fair idea of my journey ahead let me first explain S’s house… S’s house is a ‘Palace’ (read – 2BHK in Mumbai parlance) surrounded by a moat of Garbage… Like the Lotus which is born amidst all that crap created by the millions of Mumbai… Thankfully it wasn’t flooded!!! S’s house is situated exactly 10 mins from the station and 5 mins from the Highway – the ideal location… How tough could it possibly be???

Having emerged from the Andheri - Transporter, I found myself in the Pacific Ocean of Homo-sapienses… trust me I was like one droplet in an ocean… I had no way to go but forward at an acute angle towards the Overhead Corridor in the footsteps of my ‘Sole-Mate’… I was often given the ‘elbow’ for not maintaining the correct angle and somehow got to the Overhead in the Flow… By the time I emerged my 2500 Buck ‘Hush-Puppies’ were screaming like pups whose tails were run over by screaming auto rickshaws…

Just as I was about to exit the station I found that my swimming skills would be put to the test… there were Gi-normous Puddles all around me and all the other homo-sapienses were playing hopscotch on little bricks and every time they missed one there was a BIGG SPLASHHH and everyone was wet upto their Undies…

As soon as I managed to ‘wade’ through I entered a One-way… It was a bleddy Human-One-Way… There were people only moving in 1 direction… and all against me… All of them trying to gauge my eyes out with their Happy Chaatas while I had poor Sardar… So I started walking Blind… Didn’t matter much as everytime I got hit on both sides I knew I was on the right way…

By the time I reached… I COULDN’T BELIEVE I HAD DONE IT… I was wet… My shirt was wet from the rain outside and the sweat inside (not just my own)… I somehow managed to cross the moat of garbage and walked in…

Wait that’s not all…

Final Chapter: The ABODE

The guard at the entrance: Where are you going?

Dip: 6th Floor

Guard: Where?

Dip: 6th Floor

Guard: Where?

Dip: 6th Floor

…………… This continued in a circular loop for a few more times before the Lift came… Btw the official Code of Ethics of the Building is that ‘No Mulgas Allowed’… the First time I thought it was ‘Murgas’ and took great offense, but as it turns out Mulga means Boy… So the Guard was only doing his job…

Btw the Bldg is on Super-Energy-Saver Mode… the Fan only comes on when u press on a button… and I mean keep pressing or else it stops… So if you want it slightly slower than Full speed… You have to press, then leave, Press then leave… and so on…

Epilogue

STUPID-DIP HAD REACHED! He had met S. Made the trip worthwhile didn’t it???

God-Minded - Do we need to believe!!!

Now, why did I choose to write about such a topic? Well on the eve of the ‘Ayodha’ verdict, it seems pathetic that an argument about the history of a ‘piece’ of land can cause as much heart-burn as it does in the modern 21st century AD.

I mean look at what the fighting is about… Imagine today you or I have built a nice 5 story apartment in the city of our choice. Now, consider that you are bankrupt some 20 years down the line and the State seizes your property and hands it over to whosoever will want to buy it. Now imagine some 150 years down the line, your 8th generation and the current owners 7th generation get into a blood-fight over the property!!! I mean Grow Up!!!

Although even I would not make such a trivialization of the emotions that are our Country, it is important to realize that all this blood is wasted simply because of a belief in the Non-Existent… Let me ask all of you a question… If I told you that there indeed was no God, or atleast there is no ‘Perceivable’ God, would you still fight as much as you do now???

For some of you who are already wincing, let us say before heading on to the more critical areas of this essay, that supposing there is ‘a’ God, or ‘The’ God, depending on your religious inclinations, would you still justify man-woman-child-slaughter in His Name?

For, some of you and most of you who shall ever read this article, who are truly peace-loving inspite of being religious, you have to understand modern day societal problems can never be solved till you guys stop instilling in your children the sense of a supernatural being… more importantly ‘Your Personal Supernatural Being’…

When does One fight? When One is afraid of losing something precious or is desirous to gain something precious. In this case it is a bit of both. Per say if ‘The Verdict’ goes one way or the other, either you are happy that ‘Your Being’ has won or miserable that He has lost!!! Although many of you will try to disagree even after feeling strongly on the issue, you will slowly realize that in the end it is all about ‘Your’ Ego, or collectively the Ego of ‘Your Kind’. I am here as you can see, completely ignoring ‘political will’ simply as politics is nothing but channelizing the emotions of ‘The People’. If there are No Emotions, then there is no political will.

Now let us discuss the relevance of having a religious belief. Consider that for a moment, your parents would not have subscribed to any of the popular religions, but had a very personal ‘family-God’. Now, you can name Him anything. Here, is where you consider that, Will this God be as useful to you as any of the more popular ones? Obviously there would be no religious ‘places’ of worship where you meet a million other worshippers simply because no one else subscribes to ‘Your God’, but does it make such a huge difference?

I really don’t know…

However, I do believe that it would not make much of a difference!!! How much of our belief actually stems from Others??? This is an especially tricky question for all ‘Believers’, since you are taught not to care about others’ opinions to be the reason for your belief in the first place. However, it is a fact, that collective belief strengthens the credibility in our own belief. I mean this is the basis of all religious practice. In a circular fashion, your belief gives credibility and validates my belief, although the creation is actually mine. Thus there can never be any ‘Proof’ simply because ‘I’ cannot be God, unless you believe me to be ‘God’.
Now imagine a society, where everyone had their own –God. There is no fighting amongst people although most of the benefits of having ‘The God’ is attached to ‘a’ God.

Now coming to the more critical area of this article, Do we need ‘God’?
To understand this aspect, let us try and trace the origins of Religious belief. When were all the religions drafted? A Long Long Time Back…

Even the most recent popular ones are atleast a couple of thousand years old. Did we need Religion then??? The answer is a most resounding ‘Yes’. Why? In my mind I can trace atleast 5 reasons why we needed Religion…

1) Religion as Science: If you trace the origins of scientific thought, you will realize that for most of the couple of thousand years barring the last 3 centuries at most, Religion served as a replacement to Science. In fact, Religion actually tried to bridge the gap of our understanding of Ourselves. And to understand ourselves, we have to understand our place in the Scheme of Things… Thus emerges the ‘Scheme’… and this Scheme is nothing but Religion.

2) Religion as Law: Consider this, there is no Law of the Land. Today I walk into your house, Kill you with my own hands, usurp your wealth and am a ‘happy’ man. Man is ‘Greedy’. Excessively so!!! So to curb the animalistic instinct of the Human race, a law had to be invented. Religion was Law.

3) Religion as a Country: How are countries defined? By land??? If you see trace the history of the world, you will realize that Country is nothing but a collection of power. What is power? Power is the collective will of a large set of people. If for a moment we are willing to consider the time before technological advancement, we will realize that a simple collection of people is Power. Can a country be powerful, unless united by a single goal? No! What we today, call patriotic and will die for our country, was the same for Religion. Thus religion served the same purpose as a Country.

4) Religion as Distorted for Power and Emergence of Sub-Religions: Although religion as power, is covered in the last point itself, this is slightly different. Through the ages religion has been distorted for power. Thus the ‘Existing religion’ has been manipulated, mutilated by whosoever was the most powerful at that point for more power. To create a bigger country, to be richer!!! Thus, all of our religions have factions. Even in the modern world if you look at Northern Ireland, Iraq, sub-religions are fighting and have fought against each other, although they are but Mono-theistic. Can there be a bigger paradox???

5) Religion as Hope: This is probably the most significant aspect of religious thought. All religions converge on this one point. It points to Heaven. If you consider the state of the ancient human, you would realize that hope is probably the only thing that could give them courage. At a time, when common cold and tuberculosis, and malaria and plague claimed the lives of huge percentages of the population, and floods and volcanoes killed a few other, and the sun did not ‘rise’ during an eclipse, we were vulnerable. Our fear of death, was probably far more than in the modern day, life expectancy was not even a concept!!! What does one do? Probably the single most important reason for believing in religion is ‘fear of death.’ Thus our Hope was actually Religion. We wanted to believe, that there is something/someone who can/will protect us from my enemies/nature/disease. Thus religion was hope.

Coming to the Only Question that emerges from the flow of thought. Do we need Religion today?

Here we must segregate the Privileged and the Under-Privileged, simply as the same set of assumptions do not work for both.

First, speaking of the underprivileged, the question is much deeper and difficult to answer. It comes from the most important point above, Hope. Living below the poverty line, not knowing whether you will eat tomorrow, not having seen a book of knowledge; the thought of after-life, heaven is truly appealing. If you question religion you question the remaining existence of your life, your peace. Yes, Lack of religion for the poor, is something that cannot be answered as easily, as religion is probably the only consolation of their lives.

I really do not know the answer to the above yet.

However, let us talk of the privileged. Those of you who are reading this. How important is religion actually to us. If I told you that we do not need a God, even if He truly does exist, would you laugh at me??? Tell me when was the last time you have truly questioned the ‘Miracle’ that happened to you, that made your belief stronger? Tell me one instance that any of you can prove that the reason things happened could not be interpreted in any way, and I will join you in your belief!!!

For you as for me, religion and God, are not that different. I am also human, and drawn to the same necessities as you. God for me as as Big, as God for you. But see what ‘God’ is doing to our society. From Israel to Palestine, Kashmir to Afghanistan, Ireland to Bosnia, ‘He’ is devastating Everything. If there is a God, He Himself would at this time urge us to stop believing in him!!!

My sincere request to all of you. When you are blessed with generations below you, do not poison them as we have been poisoned!!! Let them be free, and One day, They will Set Us Free!!!

The ever so appropriate Word... FUCK!!!

Well let me start with this... I BLOODY HELL DONT FUCKING KNOW WAT I'M GOING TO BE wRITING IN THEsE NEXT FUCKING LINES...

If you've noticed the marked change in the language as compared to my previous writings' its cuz i've been deeply influenced by the series call 'Californication' which I've been sucking up like cheap booze for the last few weeks...

Seems the perfect life doesnt it??? The aAmerican way of life... the washed up, be-a-writer, drive a porche that hasnt been washed off its stains and a broken headlight so that the light shines only on one path... the Fucking Present!!!

Present... Wat the FUCk is it... well at this point most of you would be thinking of the frustration within me... the acute desperation to get some thoughts out of my fucking system... but hey... at this point I'm quite content... ALMOST at peace... any enthusiasm subdued under our societal blocks... such as sit at a desk for 9 bloody hours and wonder why...

WHY??? yeah thats the big question... is it for the MONEY??? Hell yeah... is it for the social vindication of your freaking mind and restless soul... yeah kinda... is it fucking because there's nothing better to do??? Fuck!!! thats the one that kills me...

NOTHING BETTER TO DO??? well lets see... left to myself I would be sleeping late... waking up late... playing some sport... eat well... go out with friends... roam around with the love of my life... sleep late... n yeah... the cycle continues... BUT WOULD I BE HAPPY??? I DONT FUCKING KNOW!!!

Ability to THINK!!! yup.. thinking turns me on... and ARGUMENTS!!! YES thats the one... For once, and many other times,,, I love being a BONG... Arguements are the key to solving all the worlds darkness... Bring LIGHT to the dim dark world... Yeah thats my opinion... I might very well be the one in the dark..but who cares... its MY WORLD rite??? 'Its the world created in my bloody head' (read that with the Jason Statham Irish oh so obvious accent)... And once I'm gone and my fucking head is gone... the world is gone too... 'yeah sorry you cannot exist too'... (same accent)!!!

Well here we are... mind slightly less irritated... ranting is such a release... I dunno why but the thought of people reading it, and either associating with or dissociating with it are both great to imagine... For the ones associating "Nothing can be done mate, for we live in shit", for the ones dissociating "I dont care a fuck" and ofcourse, the most obvious group the ones who dont understand or dont care "you are the WORLD!!!"

Monsoons of Calcutta...

Jokhon nirobe dure, darao eshe

Jekhane path benkeche…

Tomay chhute chaowar muhurtora

Ke jaane ki abeshe disha haara

Ke jaane ki abeshe disha haara…

The most cherished of my memories lie in the monsoons of Calcutta…

It was the 2 monsoons of Presidency that changed my life… forever…

This post is a symbol for all who feel a part of their lives shall always remain frozen in the fabric of space and time and without which life feels a touch incomplete… and there is a need to visit that part every now and then to make us almost whole again… the innocence of want, the naivety of hope and the imagination of youth…

And the music that takes us back there…

The song above makes me want to connect with ‘me’ again all those years back… makes me want to touch that fabric again… find peace in that which is behind the curtain of all these years…

Monsoons of Calcutta… the intoxicating smell of rain against the half-baked brick and mortar of old houses… that have stories of so many monsoons to tell… the lazy expectation of youth unabated by the dullness of the rainy day… the birth of innumerable romantics with the incidence of the first drop on a cloudy day…

It all began with my first introduction to ‘that feeling’... the ability of human imagination to render a person completely useless… the lazy evenings… listening to bangla music on those FM channels… songs from the heart for the heart… soft and delicate music interspersed with loud and thumping music all towards the same cause… against the pleasant damp environment with the pitter patter of the drops on the soft rustling leaves… bringing such pleasure and pain all at once…

Those were the lost days… ‘Reality’ didn’t matter… a lazy beautiful dark desire-filled world… and the subconscious unrelenting imagination creating an emotion ridden lonely lovely world… painted with shades of grey with the sparks of orange…

In between the evenings often lay glorious times spent with the crowd… singing… listening… taking elaborate walks round the dimly lit campus… thinking…

Thinking… life suddenly opened out in front of my eyes… it was beautiful… the sudden expansion of the horizon… the natural high of the ‘suddenly’ conscious… the ability to see from back to beyond…

I was a changed man… I was finally ‘me’…

By the time the second monsoon could arrive, life was moving… Having found the ability to see clearly meant the hurt was a billion times worse… but all that was now past… life had moved on… I had moved on… there materialized new found interest, beauty and above all Hope…

Empowered with the wisdom of the previous monsoon, I was sure… sure of going for broke… nothing else mattered anyway… Of course this time the monsoon was also accompanied by Floyd… the dark room now had a second master… Rising and falling emotions to the undulating notes, ‘comfortably numb’, sure as hell, made me ‘feel’ everything that was there to be sensed…

Along with that came numerous exchanges… sitting by the terrace… the dark sky only lit up by the excited flashes of lightning, and the sound of torrential rainfall lost in a voice… the voice that could be sweeter than the mood and more musical than the music…

As evening became night, and night became day, I realized ‘us’…

So that’s the story of the 2 monsoons of my life… One that helped find ‘me’, and the other that helped to found ‘us’…

Sitting here looking into the Mumbai night… almost as damp… I am missing the enticing intoxicating smell, missing my ‘home’, my terrace and cherishing the Calcutta Monsoon… and life…

Raat Hamari to...

Ratiya… Khari Khari

Ratiya… Andhiyari

Raat Hamari to chand ki saheli he

Kitne dino ke baad…

Listening to this song brought back so many fresh memories of a distant past… cycling around the dark woods of IIT-K trying to figure out my place… thinking of the one person with a stone in my heart… Bliss

The hurt made me feel alive… the darkness gave me freedom… I was finally one with my surroundings…

Cycling back from the M-Club at 3 am after an extended musical intercourse… pleasure… music in my heart… in my soul… often cycling with my eyes closed and hands behind my back testing my limits… it didn’t matter… I was living in the present…

Thinking about possibilities… thinking about responsibility… the adrenalin rush from thinking about possibilities… the hurt from being constrained… the pleasure of remembering her face… clarity in confusion…

Being selfish… being me… me and the woods… down the winding road… realizing solitude… finding solace in the deep dark woods… riding a little further than the light could carry… Being an Egoist… Being an Individual… the only time when one does not need patronizing… freedom in solitude…

A natural high… speeding down the road… turning blind… the adrenalin rush… the urge to stay out longer… the urge to be free… not to be tied down by those 4 walls built as a barrier against freedom…

The suicides… ability to contort reality in a way that makes even life lose its value… the torture… the insecurity… the fear… the inability to achieve value in one’s own eyes…

The realization… the happiness… the feeling of being alive… the rush… the breaking of the trance… the pleasure of knowing… the Ego…

Guilt… the weight… the failure… the thought of betrayal… the face…

The comfort… the tears… the tears brushing against the wound… the music… being alive

The end of the journey… Losing myself once more to the world… But the knowledge of being alive…